Batman works from home. Kate Sidley. The New York Times

Daily shouts. Kate Sidley 

Bat Log, Day . . . 

Honestly, who’s keeping track anymore?

Today I baked bread, organized my canned goods, and polished all of my exploding gas balls. Again.

I haven’t left my house in more than eight weeks, and it’s starting to wear me down. Yes, I live on a massive estate with a whole lair full of goodies and gizmos, but, still—even Batman gets cabin fever.

I’ll be honest: it hurt when I found out that I wasn’t an essential worker. I’m Batman! The Dark Knight! The hero Gotham deserves, but, evidently, not the one it needs. Turns out the heroes Gotham needs right now are grocery-store employees, delivery-truck drivers, and nurses. Not a big demand for grappling-hook experts, currently.

I miss all the little things, you know? Attending museum galas, dating supermodels, chasing packs of goons around the docks and then strapping them up from their ankles outside of police headquarters. Regular stuff.

I miss Alfred. Robin and I have been keeping our distance from him, because he’s elderly. We talk to him over video chat every night, but it’s not the same. Also, I don’t know how to fold the fitted sheets. I can foil a crime syndicate that’s trying to take down an entire metropolis, but I don’t even know where to begin with these damn sheets.

I miss my parents. I know they died long before this, but missing them is really the core of my whole deal.

Now that I work from home, I’ve been spending a lot of time on Zoom with Two-Face, the Joker, the Riddler, and Poison Ivy. The other day, as a goof, the Joker changed his background to the Batcave. We all had a good laugh.

The bad guys haven’t said it out loud, but I think they’re lonely, too. Nobody has an appetite for dastardly plots right now. Poisoning the water supply with a solution that makes people’s faces freeze into a permanent smile just seems silly, given the current global situation.

Anyway, did you know you can regrow scallions in a glass of water? It’s wild. Poison Ivy taught me.

About once a week, I go for a drive. It’s not good to let the Batmobile just sit in the garage. I circle the city, but there’s really nothing for me to do. Crime is way down. If I’d known that the most recent pickpocket I nabbed was going to be the last for months, I would’ve savored it more.